I’ve heard so many different questions and viewpoints on it.
1. Is it emotional cheating or physical cheating?
2. Does this need to be the end of the relationship?
3. Should the couple make their relationship polyamorous?
The list goes on.
So I’m gonna come out the gate and say that cheating is a hell nah! not open relationships..CHEATING! Let me tell y’all what I consider cheating since y’all know people like to get REAL technical when they’re caught up.
/Cheating/ Anything you have to hide from your partner because making them aware would severely change the dynamic of your relationship for the worst.
Here’s what I feel like people are missing when they try to make cheating mainstream and develop all of these automated responses like:
“Men are naturally animalistic in nature”
“Men cheat mindlessly, women don’t”
These are all trash excuses for serious character flaws and a lack of communication. Stop trying to make cheating accepted! It’s not going to be accepted!
I mention character flaws for a reason and that’s because those flaws will be visible in other aspects of your relationship. I know none of us are perfect but there are some things that can just really be a deal breaker. If you cheated on me, I find out, I confront you about it, and you act like you don’t know what I’m talking about or you tell me I’m tripping…off rip you’re a liar and you’re manipulative. You know good and full well what you did but you would rather play dumb to see HOW MUCH the other person knows and that’s a characteristic that could become REAL toxic as ya’ll move forward.
When you cheat on somebody, they still love you. With all the damage you just caused, THEY STILL LOVE YOU. They’re devastated and disappointed of course but it’s how you act afterwards that completely destroys everything and turns disappointment to anger. People become really small in my eyes when they get backed into a corner and don’t stand up tall behind their behavior.
Here’s where the problem comes in though. The normalcy of cheating is only supposed to be accepted when a man cheats on a woman.This is because a man doesn’t want to deal with all of the emotions you have to endure, all the questions you have to ask yourself, and most importantly the internal battle you have to fight to be able to forgive that person if you want to reconcile.
Let’s talk about reconciliation though because that’s what people are really asking for. They want to be able to step out on their commitment, ask for forgiveness, and move on with life no matter how much internal damage that does to their partner. So the character flaw here is greed and selfishness.
When cheating is in question it’s always assumed that it’s physical but let’s talk about emotional cheating. I want to be as unbiased as possible. So let’s say a woman is confiding in another man about issues in their relationship.This other man knows all types of info about your personal life whether it be finances, intimacy, or even deeply rooted issues that it took you a while to get over. So how are you gonna feel when that man feels comfortable enough to step to you and lay all your sh*t bare?
Exactly. More importantly what is that going to do to your trust with your woman, knowing she gave him the power to do that? It defeats the purpose of the partnership, correct? Hell, even a good FRIEND wouldn’t have you out here like that. The character flaw here is that you’re untrustworthy which is major because I can’t do NOTHIN with you if I can’t trust you.
With physical cheating, it’s the same concept. How is your woman supposed to feel when another woman not only knows what your man is working with but feels comfortable enough to step to you and speak on what you thought was a solid relationship? It’s humiliating and disrespectful but you want us to look past everything you just broke in the relationship because “you’re sorry?’
Let’s take it a step further. Let’s say you do reconcile. All is forgiven, you talk about whatever led your relationship to that point, and everything is back on track. Although on the home front, this may seem apologetic and forgiving, it sends a message that this person has room for error when it comes to the boundaries in your relationship. The worst thing a person can do is tell you that “You’re the one that decided to stay” knowing all that it took for you to forgive them. Knowing good and well they weren’t talking that big boy talk when they were in the hot seat. It’s a slap in the face leading me to believe that my forgiveness is pointless.
So my bottom line advice consists of 3 options after finding out about your partner’s infidelity:
1. Decide what YOU want to do. Don’t consider their reactions or feelings because they didn’t consider yours.
If you decide you want to be single and not go through the journey that it’s going to take for you guys to restore your relationship then leave. You’re not obligated to anything here anymore. Move forward, be happy, and let that be that. ( highly recommended)
2. If you feel that this person is really worth the struggle for whatever reason then take some time to yourself to deal with whatever emotions you have. Once you say, ok we’re going to move on, you can no longer throw it in their face and if they just so happen to fail you again, you’re gonna have to deal with yourself because you were already aware of what they’re capable of.
3. This one isn’t the most popular option but if you still love this person yet you feel that you guys honestly just cannot be in a monogamous relationship then I suggest the option of a polyamorous relationship. This means that you guys both explore other people but you two are top priority to each other and all parties are made aware of the arrangement. I’m personally not going for this but I do realize that there are many different set ups for relationships these days so if you gotta absolutely have that person in your life then maybe this would work for you.
Every relationship is different so I could type until I’m blue in the face and there will always be another aspect to consider but this is just something I had to weigh in on. Let me know your thoughts on cheating and how you think it should be handled. Thanks for reading!!