Do You BOO!

Throughout my life I have come to find that the sooner you find out what works for you, the sooner you couldn’t care less about what works for anybody else. I think at certain times in our lives, we seek validation or we’re afraid to not have the approval of certain people. Like..you literally find yourself doing things to please people you know…or don’t know just to satisfy some sense of belonging.

Then it’s like you get to a point where you’re so sick of suppressing who you are for your surroundings that you finally realize, you’re the one that has to live with yourself. When you get to that point, the best thing you could do is everything in your power to make you the best and happiest you that you can be. So with all that being said, here are 3 quick ways I do me.

Solo Travel

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To some it may seem intimidating but honestly this has become one of my favorite things to do and it makes me so happy. I pick a destination or an event that I would like to attend and I just go. I get lost, I enjoy my own company, I make memories, and find the beauty in whatever is before me. I may even meet up with friends if they’re in the area but for the most part, it’s me moving to my own agenda. I remember a time where if my initial plans were with another person or even a group and they cancelled, I just wouldn’t go..until one day I did and I haven’t looked back ever since. I actually prefer to travel alone these days. Less hassle. More Joy.

 Self Soothing

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In my opinion, I have endured a lot of painful things in my late teens/early twenties. I used to absolutely need a friend I could lean on to get through tough times with and then when I would get by myself, it’s like I was suffocating. After that, I vowed to never put myself in positions that I couldn’t forgive myself for. Do I still make some pretty trash decisions sometimes? Yes, but I can also look at myself in the mirror, identify where I went wrong, and press forward and I think that is an ability that is crucial to possess. You won’t always be able to please other people and in knowing that, I care more about pleasing myself than them.

 The word No

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I’ve talked about this before on here but it is truly something that I struggle with. Whether its not wanting to tell somebody no because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, saying no but not standing firm in it, or just strictly saying no but then giving a full explanation behind it; no has always been a word I’ve had to mentally prepare for. There’s actually very few people in this world that you owe an explanation to. If it doesn’t affect your money, provide you food or  multiple orgasms then less is more. I used to be in a mental space where saying no was crippling to me because I was afraid of repercussions. I had to get over that quick because if you can’t tell somebody no without wondering whats next, that situation will never work in your favor.

So these are just a few things that help me be comfortable in who I am. I know these may seem pretty basic but I’ve found that keeping the small things in check make for more peace should bigger things decide to try my life. What are some ways that you do you and remain comfortable in your own skin? Let me know in the comments below.  As always, thank you for reading!

XO,

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Subscriptions worth the hype

If you’re anything like me, I LOVE a good subscription. There’s just something about getting a little monthly gift to me from me. I’ve dialed back on my subscriptions some because they DO add up but I can shed a little light on the ones I found to be worth it.
First up is:

Curlbox

Calling all Naturalistas!! This was my very first subscription and honestly it helped me so much in trying to figure out what products worked on my hair in my big chop days. If you’ve been natural for any amount of time, you know those products aren’t cheap. One container of leave-in conditioner can easily run you $10 and you know you can’t JUST get the leave-in conditioner. You end up spending $40 JUST TO SEE how 1 line of hair products work with your hair. With Curlbox you spend $25/month to receive 2-4 FULL SIZE PRODUCTS plus a few samples on the side. You can’t beat that, so if you ARE natural or you’re looking to cross over, give Curlbox a try. It’s worth the hype!

 

Scentbird

Does Versace want to charge you $80 to make people lust after you when they catch your breeze? Scentbird can help you accomplish the same level of stranger danger for $15/month. You know how nostalgic scents can be so make it a good one. With Scentbird you can choose from a wide variety of parfums/ colognes and you will receive 8 mL of heavenly goodness delivered to your door each month. These are really convenient for air travel and have honestly lasted me anywhere from 6 months to a year. Just complete the little quiz that lets them know what you like and then just wait for your bottle in the mail.

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Amazon Prime

Honestly, if you aren’t up on Amazon by now. i’m not sure how you’re getting by in life. I think we can all agree and say that same day/next day/2 day shipping is worth ALL THE HYPE!! Amazon has SO many services that it’s hard to believe its only $100/year but we don’t question them, we just let them work their magic and hand them our money. You want to catch up on your favorite tv series? AMAZON GOTCHUU! You need someone to come mount your tv? AMAZON GOTHUU. Grocery shopping? Guess what?…AMAZON GOTCHUUU! It’s like you can’t lose. Give them your money. You won’t regret it.

nature box

Nature Box

I consider myself a certified snacker and all the good snacks are always the worst for you. That’s where Nature Box comes into play. You can mix and match your selections and you even get a 14 day free trial to see what kind of snacks you’re feeling. You’ll start getting hella bomb and healthy snacks mailed to you so now you can eat ALL the snacks AND still look like one. Thank me later!

Let me know if you have any dope subscriptions that are worth the hype. Thanks for reading!

XO,

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Road to Closing

HEY GUYS!! It is with GREAT pleasure that I can now announce that YA GIRL IS OFFICIALLY A HOMEOWNER!!!

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YAAAAYYYY!!!! This is a huge deal to me for a few reasons.

  • I’m 24 years old
  • I did this allllll by myself. As someone who was raised to wait and do life-changing things with a man..it feels good to say that this is ALL me.
  • This is the start of me setting my son up for success as this is an investment property and will be one of many properties I plan to own.

So now that I’ve got that out the way, I want to bring you guys along my journey. This can seem like an overwhelming process but stay persistent and motivated because the end result will be worth it.

When you start thinking about buying a home, I know it’s easy to get started thinking about what all you want your house to look like. HOWEVER, the most important and beneficial thing you could do is

CREATE A BUDGET

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Plan everything else around that. I know you’ve been to a car dealership or dealt with any type of sales person that tries to show you the nicest of the nice initially and then when you start to talk money, you damn near pass a kidney stone.

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Don’t let that be you. I personally started from the cutoff amount I was willing to spend monthly and then worked it backwards towards the principal of the overall loan.

Knowing what you can and can’t afford will save you a world of embarrassment and financial burden when you get to the bottom line. Nobody wants to be house poor.

THINGS TO CONSIDER

How much debt do you have?
What does your credit score look like?

Do you want to do a 15 year fix or a 30 year fix?

Is there a chick-fil-a within 10 miles?…you know…the important things.

FIND A LENDER

Know what type of loan you’re looking to get.  (FHA, VA, Conventional) Be very particular in this process because a 3.8% APR and 4.1% is a matter of thousands of dollars difference over the span of 15 or 30 years.

To avoid talking in circles I just ask what is the best interest rate their company offers for excellent credit and if that number is too high then move on. You don’t want hella companies pulling your credit so once you’re serious about this then narrow your options down. Typically there’s a grace period that credit bureaus will allow since they know you’re shopping around for interest rates so be mindful of that as well.

Discount Points

What are discount points Lo? I’m glad you asked! Discount points give you the opportunity to buy your interest rate down. So while that 3.8% might look good, you may also have to come out of your pocket $1400 at closing to get that rate. Of course it’s all about what you want but if you don’t plan on keeping your home for that long then I wouldn’t worry about it.

Make the process work for you

Once you’ve found a Lender, you can ask to see if they have any programs that will help you along the process of finding a realtor. Sometimes certain companies have preferred lenders as well and you potentially get some money BACK from the situation for using certain businesses. By the time everything is said and done, you want to save all the pennies you can.

Documents to prepare

Certain banks may ask for different documentation but overall you’re going to need to provide the following documents before you can be pre-approved:
Paystub for the last 30 days
Tax Returns for the past 2 years
Bank statements for the last 60 days
Proof of ID (license)
Divorce decree (if necessary)
Any properties/businesses you may own
investments
Child support

It may seem like a lot but they’re just trying to get an accurate representation of your financial situation so they can see just how much you can be approved for. Once you’re approved

IT’S TIME TO SHOP!!!

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THIS is the fun part. Think about how many bedrooms/bathrooms you want. Do you want a deck? Fireplace? Do you want crown molding? Recess lighting? The possibilities are ENDLESS! Usually the bank will let you know how long their offer is on the table for so you’ll have a good idea of how long you have to get a contract.

Once you’ve found a house and fallen completely in love, make your offer on how much you’re willing to pay but keep in mind the taxes that will incur. The seller will either counter your offer or accept it and then YOU HAVE A CONTRACT!

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At that point, it’s just a matter of underwriting your contract and reverifying certain details which may require you to submit/sign the same documents. Just be patient. Once you get your closing date, you’ll know what all you need to bring (hopefully no money) and then you be free to move in!

All in all, the process shouldn’t take any more than 2 months. It all depends on how fast you,  your loan rep, and realtor work. Buying a house is a huge accomplishment and investment if you do it right. Hopefully the tips I gave you were helpful. Let me know if you have any house buying nightmares or unique situations. Thank you for reading!

XO,

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Age aint nothing but…experience

Have you ever seen somebody that’s very attractive and you spark up a convo like the smooth talker you are only to find out they’re 30 with no kids and has never been married??

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Instead of appreciating this person for the unicorn they CLEARLY are you can’t tell me you don’t automatically think:

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!

WHY DOESN’T ANYBODY WANT YOU?!?

WHY HAVEN’T YOU LEFT IT IN ANYBODY AT THIS POINT?

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We have SO many questions right! Why is that? Why do we have preconceived ideas about what is supposed to happen by certain points in our lives?

We look at what’s considered “normal” and when we see something outside of that, it’s intriguing or maybe even off putting depending on what we’re experiencing.

With so many different walks of life, culture, and exposure it’s hard to say what’s really “normal” for a person to experience at a certain age.

We look at the average 18 year old and think “Ok this person is new to the world. They probably don’t have much money, they’re in college or working a minimum wage job.

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For some people that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Lets say you met somebody that was 20 and they owned multiple properties, ran their own successful business, and had no debt? Whats the first thing you’re going to want to know…besides if they’ll hire you? You’re gonna wanna know how the hell they did it.

I’ll be the first to say that when I was 20, I was just trying to sober up enough to make it to work on time. See below for accurate representation of my life at 20.

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So you can see why  somebody at that age having that level of stability would absolutely blow my mind.

Lets say you met somebody that was 35 who decided they were going to embark on a completely different career path where they had to start at the bottom. To some that may seem crazy because for most people, your 30s is when you’re supposed to be establishing stability and comfort for your life.

Pouring 10-15 years into something that you had no passion for might be the crazy part for others and the most sensible thing to do WOULD be to develop yourself and focus your efforts towards something that actually makes you happy. Isn’t that the ultimate goal after all?

Let’s carry this idea over into the realm of relationships since that’s where we usually see age playing a big part.

We see a lot of couples out here with significant age differences. Some more shocking than others for legality purposes but let’s put a few things into perspective.

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It is known that women naturally mature faster than men so seeing a woman with an older man isn’t usually too shocking. Which then explains why men sometimes need somebody a little younger to really level the playing field a bit.

When we see those huge age gaps though, we can’t help but wonder what a 26 year old would have in common with a 40 year old. Even on a physical level, one person hasn’t even reached their prime while the other might be starting to reach the end of theirs…we’re only assuming though because you know the old heads be knowing what they’re doing.

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Who’s to say what the 26 year old has or hasn’t experienced in their life. When it comes to relationships, I think we all just want somebody that can understand us.

It all comes down to exposure and experience. You just gotta meet people on your level.

If I met somebody who appealed to the things I consider important and treated me the way I want to be treated, you better believe I’m not turning that down due to age.

As for everything else in life, don’t let yourself be convinced that you can’t pursue something because you’re too young. Don’t be convinced that you can’t start over because you’re too old. Don’t miss out on love or anything that makes life worth living because you were too caught up on the way things are “supposed” to be.

Your life experiences will shape you for where you’re supposed to be.

What are your thoughts on defining maturity and phases of life by age? Let me know!

Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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SURVIVAL GUIDE TO COACHELLA

ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! By now, I know you’ve either seen or heard about Beychella, formerly known as Coachella. I am here to let you in on all the details from beginning to end as well as give you guys some tips to make your experience one to remember.

So first things first, check out the lineup to determine whether the trip and money is going to be worth it. You’re going to want to get as much as you possibly can for the money you’re about to spend.

There are many different packages available so it’s up to you to decide whether you want to camp out, get a hotel, etc. In retrospect, I’d definitely camp out because the combo of California and Coachella traffic is not of this world. Camping vs. traffic. Take your pick.

 

Once you decide you’re going to go for it, you need to be aware of how many days, hours, and minutes you are away from tickets going on sale because once the flood gates open, every second counts. If I was you, I would open up as many browsers as humanly possible that way when you get this screen below, you’re already 7 browsers deep in this thang.

coachella line

So once you’ve got your ticket, congratulations are in order and we wait for the most epically packaged box, like so, to come in the mail.

 

The tickets come with a pamphlet of in-depth details and guidelines ALL THE WAY down to which wrist you should display your wristband on. Super top secret squirrel stuff.

From here you have to download the Coachella app to activate your wristband and ultimately plan your entire experience. This wristband is your golden ticket so definitely make sure you activate it before you actually get out there.

 

When making your lineup list of artists you want to see it’s important to keep a few things in mind

  1.  Not everybody performs on the same stage
  2.  A lot of these stages are CLEAR ACROSS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FESTIVAL.
  3. Some artists may perform within 30 mins or an hour of each other

I say that to say, the app will send you a 15 minute notification prior to the performances you want to see and if you think 15 mins is enough time to book it across 18 acres AND get a decent view, you’d be wrong.

Once you actually arrive at the festival, the world is your oyster. It’s definitely a vibe.

 

There’s people EVERYWHERE! There’s food everywhere. There’s music. It’s just a magical kind of situation.

I do recommend a face mask because the wind can be VERY disrespectful. You can also use it as a multipurpose tool so it’s a win win either way.

That about wraps it up people! Be sure to stay hydrated and wear comfortable clothes. I wish I would’ve taken more videos and pictures but some things are meant to be experienced and just downloaded on your mental hard drive. Sometimes pictures and videos don’t do enough justice as the real deal. I hope this was informational and that you decide to partake in the festivities in the years to come.

Thanks for reading!

XO,

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All Summer 18!

Hey guys! Summer is right around the corner and everybody knows with the warm weather comes good vibes. I’ll be making a few posts with different ideas to have your summer going up but today’s topic is festivals. Here are some festivals you can be on the look out for to make your summer one to remember. Summer is primetime for festival season which is kicking off this weekend with

Coachella. April 13-15 & 20-22.  Indio, California

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If you’ve never heard of it before, shame on you. You can come across a lot of big name artists as well as newcomers that have some really dope music. Coachella is more than a festival. Issa mood. It’s an experience. A way of life. Once you go you’ll be changed forever so grab a friend and your most festive rags and make your way to Cali.

On the Run 2

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The King and Queen will be gracing us this summer with another tour. If you went to the original tour, you know that these 2 have great stage presence and A L W A Y S deliver. The tour will be kicking off on June 6 in the UK so hit up ticketmaster/vividseats to find a venue near you and get the experience of a lifetime!

 

Afro Punk. Brooklyn. Atlanta. London. Paris. Joburg

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This one is a traveling festival and more of a diverse crowd.  I know the phrase “that’s a black/white person thing” is very common so I always think it’s dope to acknowledge black people doing atypical “black things” If you want to celebrate your different tastes and maybe even learn about some more alternative choices in music and art, check out Afropunk. There’s a community for all of us.

Essence Festival. New Orleans. July 5-8

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This is your ultimate black girl magic celebration. All the black artists and professionals come out every year to uplift, promote,and just celebrate black excellence. Not only do they have great musical appearances, they have professional panels from all walks of life .

Curlfest. Brooklyn, New York. Prospect Park. 21 July

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This is for my naturalistas! You can come across some of your favorite natural hair and beauty bloggers/vloggers/influencers here.I know i’m always down for some hair inspoo and tips so if you’re looking to be surrounded by excellence that smells like honey, juices, and berries then check out Curlfest.

Made in America. Philly. 1-2 September.

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This is a music festival that Jay Z has been bringing us for a few years and it’s just a great way to celebrate our own artists. Whether you want to kick off the start to a new school year right or just check one last festival off your list for the year, I can’t think of a better way to end the summer.

Alright guys so these are just a few festivals that will last you throughout the summer but there’s PLENTY more. Make it a point to do something fun at least once a month this summer, especially if you’re a work-a-holic. Let your hair down, grab your favorite drink and friends, and take LOTS of pictures. Feel free to drop some fun festivals below! Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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In the meantime

Hey guys! Sometimes I find myself with a significant amount of downtime and if you’re anything like me, an idle mind is your worst enemy. I try to keep my mind busy with things that are insightful or at least entertaining.

One thing I’ve definitely picked up is listening to Podcasts. I remember when radio talk shows were something my mom listened to on the way to work in the morning. In my eyes it was an “old person thing” Now I find myself being that old person and thoroughly enjoying it. If we’re being honest, I didn’t even click on the podcast app on my phone until about a year ago but now it’s basically the only app that stays open on my phone.

Here are a few dope podcasts that I listen to that help pass time by while simultaneously engaging my mind and entertaining me.

My ALL TIME FAVORITE right now is:

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THE READ.
The Hosts are Kid Fury and Crissle. These 2 have larger than life personalities that mesh so well and make listening to them an addicting experience. They are fellow Beyonce stans but they also speak about current events and pop culture which always manages to give me the laugh of the day. If you’re looking for a breath of fresh air to break up the monotony of the day or to help you forget about a shitty day then this is your podcast.

Next up is:

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Small Doses.

The host for this one is Amanda Seales. 2 words. KNOW HER! She’s something like a renaissance woman. You may know her most recently as Tiffany DuBoise in the HBO show Insecure but I remember her as Amanda Diva. Anybody that rocks with her remembers those days. Anyway, her podcast is more of a gem dropping situation and she speaks SO many facts that you’re just continuously getting your life the whole time. Her topics are always relevant to current events or just real life experiences that people don’t necessarily know how to articulate and work through. Super dope. Super thought provoking.

Brilliant Idiots.

This one is a more popular podcast hosted by our very own Uncle Charla (Charlamagne tha God from The Breakfast Club) and Andrew Shulz (uncommon sense). These two give me behind closed doors vibes. As if you’re just sitting around with your guy friends saying whatever comes to mind and not considering anybodys feelings. Like how we know white people say the n word behind closed doors. If you want some uncensored fun, brilliant idiots is for youbrilliant idiots

So those are my top 3 podcasts outside of the obvious Breakfast Club. Next is the book I’m reading this month. I used to make it a point to read but now it’s more of something that i just do in my spare time. Either way here is a good one for you.

What I’m Reading

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The book of this month is The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz who is also the author of the 4 agreements. If you haven’t read the 4 agreements, you’re wrong. This book definitely requires open-mindedness and the ability to entertain ideas other than what you’ve known to be true. I would start with the 4 agreements just so you can understand his style of writing and then move on to the Mastery of Love.

So these are just a couple of ways I keep my mind occupied outside of scrolling through various timelines and sharing hilarious memes. Feel free to check them out and drop any dope podcasts or books. Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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Stay Down for the Come Up

I believe in a work hard play hard lifestyle. I believe in rewarding yourself for accomplishments whether they’re minor or life changing. The biggest part here is the work hard piece. Everybody loves to use social media as a way to measure their success but 90% of those people aren’t showing the “work hard” piece. Of course everything is going to look like a party when people are celebrating their wins and I’m sure its well deserved, but what are you going to celebrate if there’s no real work going on?

Let’s talk about a few ways to stay focused and make sure we’re making the most out of our 24 hours. The first one is going to be to:

Make a plan

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Literally write it out step by step. Think about everything you need to do in between those steps. Consider multiple backup plans so you don’t get discouraged should one of your paths get blocked.

 

BE ABOUT IT

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Being a person of action is the biggest piece of this puzzle. You can write everything down until you run out of pages but if you don’t make a consistent effort then all you have are dreams. Once you see your hard work come to fruition, it’ll make you even more hungry for progress and success. Set a deadline. Sign up for that test. Enter that competition.

Stick to the plan

I only say this because most things accomplished in life take time and over the duration of the process, you’re going to come across distractions or setbacks. This part is crucial because this is when most people give up and decide its easier to chill where they’re comfortable and that couldn’t be further from the truth. Stay encouraged.

Pack for the weather

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Like i said, distractions and setbacks are a part of life. While they suck in the moment, usually good lessons come from them so be prepared for whatever storm you may have to weather on your journey. Maybe you’ll have to downsize your life, maybe you’ll have to pick up an extra job but whatever it is make sure you humble yourself and make the necessary sacrifices for the come up.

Mind yours

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This has been something that has made all the difference for me. It’s so easy to look at somebody else and compare but honey..DON’T! Not all competition is healthy and when it comes to your specific journey, there’s nobody else out there that you can compare to. Even if they’ve been through certain circumstances, people handle things differently so your BEST bet is to just mind your own business. Maybe that involves doing a social media detox for a while or literally just spending time with yourself to balance out your energy to gain focus. Whatever it is, make sure that it concerns you and nobody else.

Check-ins

Every now and then, just check in with yourself. Make sure you’re still on a path that you are passionate about. Make sure your progress is on track and even if you’ve had to make detours that you’re giving yourself a timeline to get back in the game. Don’t be afraid to take a break or even reward yourself. Whatever it takes to keep you moving along your journey.

Alright guys so that’s all I have on staying down for the come up. It doesn’t matter if its a month or a year, just make sure you’re out here putting in work so when its time to celebrate you can join in on the champagne and hit your victory dance.

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Thanks for reading!

XO,

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Tis the season

 You guys know what time it is!

 Tax season!!

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Now for most people this means a come up, paying off debt, buying the large popcorn at the movies,etc. but for some of us this means diversifying our portfolio, building an emergency fund, or simply just putting it away.

This isn’t to say one thing is better than the other because depending on your lifestyle, this money may be the difference between a quick getaway to Rome and having to eat Ramen until the next check so let’s talk about a few beneficial ways to put this money to use because I don’t want this to be you

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As someone who used to live paycheck to paycheck I can completely identify with counting the days until the next check and relying on this refund for a little financial relief. That’s when I had to realize it was my habits and not the actual check itself. You would be surprised at how much money you could really save if you sat down and did a detailed budget. If you are living paycheck to paycheck and a contributing factor is debt, the first way you can use that refund is by alleviating the majority of your debt or at least making a significant dent in it.

Alleviate debt

Let’s say you have $5000 worth of debt and your absolute minimum payments are $150. First and foremost, never just pay the minimum. Before receiving your refund you should devise a plan on the most efficient way to get to $0 balance. I understand throwing your entire refund at a debt can be disheartening but you know what’s better? An extra $150 in your pocket monthly and $1800 annually.

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Invest 

It’s going to be hard for me to break down everything in a few short sentences about investing but i will say this. Do your research on return rates, compounded interest, and fees THEN Invest your money in something small first. Watch over it for 6 months or so and determine if this is something you want want to do. Make a watch list to see what’s doing well and what would be a good investment while you’re monitoring your current investment.

 Emergency fund

Alright so I’m not sure what kind of emergencies you have in your life but if they’re anything like mine, you know that $1000 might as well be $100. The point of the emergency fund is to NOT have a panic attack whenever unforeseen circumstances present themselves. If you know that you would have nowhere to turn if your car quit on you or if you needed to catch a last minute flight right now then your best bet would be to beef up that emergency fund with that refund. Thank me later.

 SAVE SAVE SAVE

Saving is a way of life. The savers of the world don’t even notice when their refund hit because they’re not looking for it. Be a saver. There’s a level of comfort and confidence that comes with knowing all your bases are covered. Now saving is different than an emergency fund and honestly you can never save enough. My aunt always told me to keep 6 months worth of bills in my savings but now I hear it should be closer to a year. I’m not ballin enough for a year yet but that is the goal. You should be able to survive should your cashflow abruptly stop. If you wouldn’t even be able to pay your car insurance for the next few months without a check….step that savings up.

Now if you’re good on all of these and you have money left over then by all means SPLURGE HONEY SPLURGE!!! Take some trips, buy some designer something, upgrade your car. The sky is the limit! My whole message behind this is to get you to a place where you’re not depending on a refund to make or break your financial readiness. So those are just a few suggestions. What are some responsible ways you can think to put your refund to good use. Let me know in the comments. Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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DON’T FEED THE NARCISSISTS

If i had to envision a spokesperson for Narcissists this would be it

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Narcissist- a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.

Now see, that just sounds like someone who’s vain right? WRONG! This person does things in the best interest of themselves at all costs. Depending on what they want for themselves will determine the type of people and situations they manipulate to move in their favor.

This is a term that I just recently started using properly because initially I just called these people liars or deceitful but honey, it’s SO much more than that. Narcissists have so many character flaws that trying to figure them out or how you can even defend yourself against them is confusing in itself. Your best bet is to cut them out of your life altogether if you can.

The reason this type of personality is so damaging is because the narcissist never stops to consider the people they involve in their mess. It’s not like these people come off as toxic or even somebody you should stay away from. They’re usually the most inviting and charismatic people you know and by the time you are even aware of what the hell is going on, you’re in too deep.

Narcissism is much like a disease or sickness so I’m going to go through a couple of things that lets you know the signs, symptoms, treatment, and ways to prevent yourself from even being in a position to deal with one.

Signs

  • Manipulation- This can come in subtle ways initially because if they’re obvious out the gate, you’ll be like HELL NAH and then they won’t be able to use you for their benefit. Types of manipulation looks like:
  • them attempting to make you comfortable and knowing your weaknesses. This way when they need to appeal to you, they already know what buttons to push.
  • THEM doing something completely wrong but getting YOU to question YOURSELF so you won’t focus on what just clearly went down.

The second you notice these things. TAKE OFF! and I’m not talking about a light jog..i mean like…

joanne

this leads me to my next sign

Deception

This is probably the worst one of all. If you’r’e being manipulated, you’ll catch on pretty quickly. If you’re being deceived, this means you are believing a fallacy for whatever reason when reality couldn’t be further from what you’re being led to believe.

This is when lying comes into play and I swear to you there’s nothing I hate worse than a liar. The only thing that might be worse than lying is everything that follows behind that lie to get me to believe it instead of letting the truth flow freely. How tragic is it to hold a conversation with somebody not knowing if anything coming out of their mouth is true?

Symptoms

You won’t see symptoms immediately and this is with any type of relationship whether it be friendship, family, business partner, etc. Depending on how embedded this person is in your life will determine how much of an effect they have on you.

If you’re somebody who is extremely sure of yourself, you’ll notice it quicker but that is one of the more obvious symptoms. You’ll start questioning  your discernment and in a sense, be afraid to voice your concerns even when you know something is wrong. Next thing you know, your entire life will have gone to shit and you’ll be sitting there like

this is fine

Your overall confidence will drop and who knows where you could end up after that because confidence is absolutely everything. It affects your self love/worth and your ability to function in your normal state of being.

I know some of these things sound extreme but these kinds of people attack your mind and everybody knows once you conquer the mind, everything else follows. Imagine a family member you value changing the way you view yourself. Imagine your significant other manipulating you to the point of uncertainty or depression. Imagine a business partner convincing you that you’re not valuable and your dreams/visions will never come to fruition. NARCISSISM IS REAL!

Treatment

Once you finally get out of this miserable cycle, your first steps should be to regain your sense of self which will never happen if you are still in contact with this person in ANY way. CUT THEM OFF! I DON’T CARE WHO THEY ARE.

bye

Be honest with yourself about where you allowed things to go. Acknowledge what about you didn’t stop things from getting this far. Why didn’t you cut things off sooner? Some of these things sound like self blame but if you don’t identify them then what’s going to stop this from being a reoccurring thing?

The next thing you should do is occupy yourself with positive energy and people. If you have a passion, dive into it. If you do have amazing friends, lean on them a little bit..that’s what they’re there for.

Understand that your trust might be a little jaded but be patient with yourself and work on your discernment.

Prevention

I wish I could tell you that once you deal with a narcissist, you’ll never have to deal with one again but that’s a whole lie. In fact, you’ll find that even people who aren’t a full blown narcissist have narcissistic characteristics. Some people realize it. some don’t. The ones that realize it and don’t care to change are the ones you should completely stay away from. They’ll ruin your whole life AND plan your funeral. Just run girl. Again, no light jogs.

scammer

sorry, that’s just an excuse to use Joanne the Scammer gifs. ANYWAYYY

If you start to see the signs though, distance yourself. The sooner the better. Don’t give them an excuse..just dip. Don’t allow them to convince you that you’re wrong, don’t let them convince you that you owe them an explanation..the less talking, the better. DO NOT FEED THE NARCISSIST! Once they know they can maneuver your thought process, everything becomes a game to them and it’s ALL at your expense.

shut p

Alright guys so I tried to give as much info as humanly possible without being OD on how to deal with and avoid narcissistic people. I hope some of these things will keep you on your toes. My most sincere condolences if this post if relatable. I know your pain BUT when you know better, you do better. Let me know about your encounter with a narcissist or more things to be on the look out for. Thanks for reading!

XO,

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