Do You BOO!

Throughout my life I have come to find that the sooner you find out what works for you, the sooner you couldn’t care less about what works for anybody else. I think at certain times in our lives, we seek validation or we’re afraid to not have the approval of certain people. Like..you literally find yourself doing things to please people you know…or don’t know just to satisfy some sense of belonging.

Then it’s like you get to a point where you’re so sick of suppressing who you are for your surroundings that you finally realize, you’re the one that has to live with yourself. When you get to that point, the best thing you could do is everything in your power to make you the best and happiest you that you can be. So with all that being said, here are 3 quick ways I do me.

Solo Travel

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To some it may seem intimidating but honestly this has become one of my favorite things to do and it makes me so happy. I pick a destination or an event that I would like to attend and I just go. I get lost, I enjoy my own company, I make memories, and find the beauty in whatever is before me. I may even meet up with friends if they’re in the area but for the most part, it’s me moving to my own agenda. I remember a time where if my initial plans were with another person or even a group and they cancelled, I just wouldn’t go..until one day I did and I haven’t looked back ever since. I actually prefer to travel alone these days. Less hassle. More Joy.

 Self Soothing

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In my opinion, I have endured a lot of painful things in my late teens/early twenties. I used to absolutely need a friend I could lean on to get through tough times with and then when I would get by myself, it’s like I was suffocating. After that, I vowed to never put myself in positions that I couldn’t forgive myself for. Do I still make some pretty trash decisions sometimes? Yes, but I can also look at myself in the mirror, identify where I went wrong, and press forward and I think that is an ability that is crucial to possess. You won’t always be able to please other people and in knowing that, I care more about pleasing myself than them.

 The word No

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I’ve talked about this before on here but it is truly something that I struggle with. Whether its not wanting to tell somebody no because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, saying no but not standing firm in it, or just strictly saying no but then giving a full explanation behind it; no has always been a word I’ve had to mentally prepare for. There’s actually very few people in this world that you owe an explanation to. If it doesn’t affect your money, provide you food or  multiple orgasms then less is more. I used to be in a mental space where saying no was crippling to me because I was afraid of repercussions. I had to get over that quick because if you can’t tell somebody no without wondering whats next, that situation will never work in your favor.

So these are just a few things that help me be comfortable in who I am. I know these may seem pretty basic but I’ve found that keeping the small things in check make for more peace should bigger things decide to try my life. What are some ways that you do you and remain comfortable in your own skin? Let me know in the comments below.  As always, thank you for reading!

XO,

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Age aint nothing but…experience

Have you ever seen somebody that’s very attractive and you spark up a convo like the smooth talker you are only to find out they’re 30 with no kids and has never been married??

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Instead of appreciating this person for the unicorn they CLEARLY are you can’t tell me you don’t automatically think:

WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!

WHY DOESN’T ANYBODY WANT YOU?!?

WHY HAVEN’T YOU LEFT IT IN ANYBODY AT THIS POINT?

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We have SO many questions right! Why is that? Why do we have preconceived ideas about what is supposed to happen by certain points in our lives?

We look at what’s considered “normal” and when we see something outside of that, it’s intriguing or maybe even off putting depending on what we’re experiencing.

With so many different walks of life, culture, and exposure it’s hard to say what’s really “normal” for a person to experience at a certain age.

We look at the average 18 year old and think “Ok this person is new to the world. They probably don’t have much money, they’re in college or working a minimum wage job.

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For some people that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Lets say you met somebody that was 20 and they owned multiple properties, ran their own successful business, and had no debt? Whats the first thing you’re going to want to know…besides if they’ll hire you? You’re gonna wanna know how the hell they did it.

I’ll be the first to say that when I was 20, I was just trying to sober up enough to make it to work on time. See below for accurate representation of my life at 20.

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So you can see why  somebody at that age having that level of stability would absolutely blow my mind.

Lets say you met somebody that was 35 who decided they were going to embark on a completely different career path where they had to start at the bottom. To some that may seem crazy because for most people, your 30s is when you’re supposed to be establishing stability and comfort for your life.

Pouring 10-15 years into something that you had no passion for might be the crazy part for others and the most sensible thing to do WOULD be to develop yourself and focus your efforts towards something that actually makes you happy. Isn’t that the ultimate goal after all?

Let’s carry this idea over into the realm of relationships since that’s where we usually see age playing a big part.

We see a lot of couples out here with significant age differences. Some more shocking than others for legality purposes but let’s put a few things into perspective.

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It is known that women naturally mature faster than men so seeing a woman with an older man isn’t usually too shocking. Which then explains why men sometimes need somebody a little younger to really level the playing field a bit.

When we see those huge age gaps though, we can’t help but wonder what a 26 year old would have in common with a 40 year old. Even on a physical level, one person hasn’t even reached their prime while the other might be starting to reach the end of theirs…we’re only assuming though because you know the old heads be knowing what they’re doing.

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Who’s to say what the 26 year old has or hasn’t experienced in their life. When it comes to relationships, I think we all just want somebody that can understand us.

It all comes down to exposure and experience. You just gotta meet people on your level.

If I met somebody who appealed to the things I consider important and treated me the way I want to be treated, you better believe I’m not turning that down due to age.

As for everything else in life, don’t let yourself be convinced that you can’t pursue something because you’re too young. Don’t be convinced that you can’t start over because you’re too old. Don’t miss out on love or anything that makes life worth living because you were too caught up on the way things are “supposed” to be.

Your life experiences will shape you for where you’re supposed to be.

What are your thoughts on defining maturity and phases of life by age? Let me know!

Thanks for reading!!

XO,

LO

In the meantime

Hey guys! Sometimes I find myself with a significant amount of downtime and if you’re anything like me, an idle mind is your worst enemy. I try to keep my mind busy with things that are insightful or at least entertaining.

One thing I’ve definitely picked up is listening to Podcasts. I remember when radio talk shows were something my mom listened to on the way to work in the morning. In my eyes it was an “old person thing” Now I find myself being that old person and thoroughly enjoying it. If we’re being honest, I didn’t even click on the podcast app on my phone until about a year ago but now it’s basically the only app that stays open on my phone.

Here are a few dope podcasts that I listen to that help pass time by while simultaneously engaging my mind and entertaining me.

My ALL TIME FAVORITE right now is:

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THE READ.
The Hosts are Kid Fury and Crissle. These 2 have larger than life personalities that mesh so well and make listening to them an addicting experience. They are fellow Beyonce stans but they also speak about current events and pop culture which always manages to give me the laugh of the day. If you’re looking for a breath of fresh air to break up the monotony of the day or to help you forget about a shitty day then this is your podcast.

Next up is:

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Small Doses.

The host for this one is Amanda Seales. 2 words. KNOW HER! She’s something like a renaissance woman. You may know her most recently as Tiffany DuBoise in the HBO show Insecure but I remember her as Amanda Diva. Anybody that rocks with her remembers those days. Anyway, her podcast is more of a gem dropping situation and she speaks SO many facts that you’re just continuously getting your life the whole time. Her topics are always relevant to current events or just real life experiences that people don’t necessarily know how to articulate and work through. Super dope. Super thought provoking.

Brilliant Idiots.

This one is a more popular podcast hosted by our very own Uncle Charla (Charlamagne tha God from The Breakfast Club) and Andrew Shulz (uncommon sense). These two give me behind closed doors vibes. As if you’re just sitting around with your guy friends saying whatever comes to mind and not considering anybodys feelings. Like how we know white people say the n word behind closed doors. If you want some uncensored fun, brilliant idiots is for youbrilliant idiots

So those are my top 3 podcasts outside of the obvious Breakfast Club. Next is the book I’m reading this month. I used to make it a point to read but now it’s more of something that i just do in my spare time. Either way here is a good one for you.

What I’m Reading

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The book of this month is The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz who is also the author of the 4 agreements. If you haven’t read the 4 agreements, you’re wrong. This book definitely requires open-mindedness and the ability to entertain ideas other than what you’ve known to be true. I would start with the 4 agreements just so you can understand his style of writing and then move on to the Mastery of Love.

So these are just a couple of ways I keep my mind occupied outside of scrolling through various timelines and sharing hilarious memes. Feel free to check them out and drop any dope podcasts or books. Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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I’ve been nominated!

 

“What is the “Mystery Blogger Award”?

It’s an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.

Rules

• Put the award logo/image on your blog.
• List the rules.
• Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
• Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
• Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
• You have to nominate 10 – 20 people.
• Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
• Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify).
• Share a link to your best post(s).

I would like to give a very special shoutout to ShutupSmileyy for nominating me. HEY GIRRRL! She’s the first blogger to really interact with me and show love so one time for her and go check her out ShutupSmileyy

It appears to have been started by Okoto Enigma. At least this is the information I am copying

3 things about me

  1. I am currently in the Air Force and in Africa. I’ve been in for 6 years and it pays the bills but recently I started looking for my passion which led to me trying my hand at blogging. I started back in October and so far so good!

2. I love all things spontaneous. Even though I have a son (the best child you could ever come across) and everything I do requires a little planning, I’m always doing some traveling or exploring every chance I get. Show my little man some love! His name is Cam! IMG_1867

3. I am very passionate about Chic-fil-a.

Ok so here are the questions that were asked of me.

1. If you were on an island and could only have 5 things with you, what would it be?

I’m assuming this one of those remote islands where wifi doesn’t exist.

  • lifetime supply of books. fiction only…ok erotic fiction. don’t judge me.
  • Jergens lotion/Coconut Oil
  • EOS chapstick
  • A journal and a ridiculous amount of pens because I always lose them
  • A way to look at all of my memories

2. What is your ultimate favorite book, tv show, and movie that you would recommend to me?

Favorite book- Genevieve by Eric Jerome Dickey

Tv Show: its a tie between Insecure, Power, and Blackish

Movie: Bridesmaidsssss

3. If you could spend a day with a famous person who would it be and why?

Definitely Issa Rae because she’s got jokes for days and she’s not gonna judge me. I just know it.

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4. If you could act in a movie what movie would it be?

I would definitely love to channel my inner Zoe Saldana in Colombiana. She is me and I am her. Such a badass role.

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5 What’s your best childhood memory?

My grandma used to wake up at like 2 in the morning and I would follow her into the kitchen. She’d make me white milk with the strawberry syrup and butter toast with a fresh chocolate chip cookie on top.

Does it sound nasty? yes

Was it delicious and kept me up for the rest of the night watching Cosby Show reruns? Also, yes

 

 

Alright you guys! So here are 5 questions of my choice. I hope you find them mentally stimulating and intriguing.

1.If money was no object, what would you pursue in life? What’s stopping you?
2.What is something you have now, that you could only dream of having before?
3.What are you doing to bring your goals and dreams to life?
4.What is a guilty pleasure that you spend an unhealthy amount of money/time on?
5.What is a risk you’ve taken that turned out to be worth it?

Here is a link to my most popular post to date. Not necessarily the best but it is pretty informative LoKey Cape Town, South Africa blog

I really don’t know anybody on here to even nominate them so I hope this doesn’t disqualify me but if it does, then this was fun anyway! Thanks for reading!

XO,

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Good Reads.

I’ve read quite a few books this year but one that really stood out to me was “The Four Agreements”

I haven’t read the whole series but this book brought a level of consciousness that really resonated with me and challenged my thinking processes.

This book allowed me to look at my thoughts and surroundings completely differently. Something so simple as somebody saying to you “you’re ugly” and you mentally agreeing with that will have you out here not wanting to take pictures and investing in ways to alter your appearance. It also speaks on how to break those agreements and ways we need to stop mentally punishing ourselves.

This has significantly impacted my inner voice and has honestly poured over into the way I carry myself, my confidence within, and the way my mind interprets anything in my immediate space.

I believe you need to go into this book with an open mind because it’s not what your brain would tell you is normal. Be open to more and don’t let your mind skip over a sentence without completely understanding what the author is trying to tell you.

If you’ve read any good books PLEASE drop them below. I LIIIIIVEEEE for a good read. Thanks for reading!

XO,

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HAPPINESS

Ok so here we are at Day 2. The question being, “What is something you have now that you could only dream of having before?’

I would have to say genuine happiness.Things that don’t have monetary value are always harder to come by in my opinion. My moods used to depend on somebody else or things that I’ve acquired so if i had noBODY or noTHING then I would just feel sad and empty.

I have since learned to just be happy with the beauty of life. Going outside and seeing the sun just gives me all types of energy and puts me in a good mood.

I would also have to say being about myself has also pushed me to a happier life. I can’t tell you how many times I made decisions that I felt would make somebody else happy even if I was unhappy; or I did something just to get certain feel good reactions.

I’ve learned to move at my own pace, make moves I can afford to make, and set goals that will make ME happy.

What is something you have now that you used to only hope to have? Thanks for reading!

XO,

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One time for the broken hearted

Being in love or finding someone you connect with on several levels is such a euphoric feeling; almost makes me wonder why it’s not illegal. I think the most dangerous addiction there is, is the high of another human being. It is very easy to want to give yourself and everything you have to offer to somebody that you feel deserves it. What happens when they don’t deserve it though?

There is something to be said for the people who can see that somebody is clearly not for them and just move on about their life. However, there are a lot of people that get lost in the sauce and there’s nothing wrong with that. Getting back MENTALLY is so much harder than anything you can physically do. So what do you do when you’re clearly not wanted in a place where you once found complete solace anymore? What happened up to this point?
Did you question yourself?
Did you compare yourself?
Blame yourself?
Hate yourself?

If there’s one thing that’s worse than a broken heart it’s internal turmoil. That’s why the best thing you could do when you find yourself in this position is to

Answer to YOURSELF!

If you do not get right with yourself, everything else will fall apart. You need to be present and acknowledge everything that you’re feeling down to the
“I saw all the signs but I just wanted somebody around and I was lonley.”
“I didn’t want to admit to myself that I couldn’t keep him here.”

OR

“Maybe if they see all the sacrifices I’m willing to make just to stay down for them, they’ll realize how much I love them and start appreciating me.

Even the
“I know she’s a good woman but i’m just not ready to commit OR let her be with anybody else.’
None of this is to be confused with accepting that maybe you did have a part in things going left.

The biggest thing that comes from answering to yourself is it takes the right away from anybody else to disrupt your peace. Once you admit what the situation is to yourself, what you may or may not could have done different, and commit to moving forward, YOU’RE LETHAL. So cry and feel everything you’re feeling because there’s no time for tears once you dedicate yourself to looking forward.

2. BE PATIENT W/ YOURSELF

This one is so crucial because everybody wants to “move on first” or be “happy” again first but nothing is going to happen overnight or even in a month. You’re going to miss them! You’re going to see something funny and wish you could call them up and tell them about it. Adjusting to doing things alone again is a major transition and that’s why the best thing you can do is be patient with yourself. You may even have to deal with seeing them with somebody else or them constantly trying to find ways back into your life but if you know it’s over..let it be over. In a perfect world, these things would come naturally but what if the relationship ended because they cheated or they mentally broke you? It’s going to take a lot more to build up that strength to bounce back, forgive the pain, and rebuild yourself. Move at your own pace love and see the process through to the end.

3. OCCUPY YOURSELF

I know most of you have heard “An idle mind the is devil’s work shop” and I don’t know truer words. An idle mind will have you creeping on their social media AND the person they’re dealing with, finding ways to run into them, or sending those late night texts. The best way to combat an unhealthy habit is to create healthy ones! Find an outlet! Sitting on the couch with bomb snacks and watching Netflix is NOT occupying yourself, although in the initial stages of a break up this habit speaks to my soul. However, if you need to speak with a therapist DO IT! If therapy isn’t your thing, start keeping a journal. It’s always refreshing for me to go back weeks or months later and see the progression in my feelings. Get in tune with your sexy and take a dance class in heels. travel. go to concerts/festivals. Do whatever you need to do to be at your essence.

4. INVEST IN YOURSELF/TREAT YOSELF

There’s no better time than being at a low point to reinvent yourself. Yes you may have to pick up some pieces but why not add some new pieces in the mix? Do you want to start a business? Create a business plan. Do things that are independent of anybody else and that bring you happiness. While you’re at it, reward yourself for reaching certain points of progression. You reached a goal weight? Hit up that fall Giuseppe line. You finally went through with getting that LLC? Splurge on something that will make you feel good about YOU! Keeping this balance will push you to a space where a broken heart is the last thing on your mind.

5. FLOURISH ON EM

This is the part where you bounce back on em! You’ve been working out, paying more attention to yourself, going back to school, and just being good to YOU! you’re not looking to impress anybody, you’re in tune with yourself, and the birds are chirping. You wake up in the morning and the first thing on your mind isn’t checking their social media or wondering what they’re doing. Get some happy music going in the background, take a few minutes to look in the mirror and recognize how bomb you are, and then make up your mind that today is going to be a good day! Put that positivity into the world and it will circle back around to pick you up if you catch yourself having a low point.

I know these things are always easier said than done and I didn’t really touch on a lot of low points and struggles that REALLY goes down behind a broken heart but this is just a start. I hope some of these things were helpful and not too repetitive if you’ve already found yourself with a broken heart before. Thank you for reading! Please leave any feedback or constructive criticism below.

XO,

LO

WELCOME!

HEY GUYS! I’m happy to finally be able to present my blog to you all. I’ll be posting on here at least once a week but this is just a hobby for now so patience please. Hopefully you guys will enjoy following me on my journey through life as I explore my purpose, share my own life lessons/tips, and experiment with different places, lifestyles, and pursuance of my dreams.

If I don’t get a chance to say it later, thank you SO much to everybody who’s pushed me to do this and especially those who are reading and supporting me. Ya’ll are lit! Enjoooooyyy!

 

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