Black Excellence

Hey guys! So I know I’m super late to the party BUUUUT in light of Black History Month I will be highlighting black excellence that really pushes the culture forward.

This week I’m going to highlight none other than our favorite cousin Angela Rye. I started following her about a year ago and have honestly found myself looking to her for information in the political world and the black community in general.

From here on out I’m going to call her Ang because at this point I really feel like she might be my big cousin and I’m not going to let anybody take that away from me. First cousins too..not the distant ones that barely count. Ang is a certified sohpistiratchet and that is the main reason why I hold her in such high regard. There’s nothing better than a black woman who knows her stuff and can read you to absolute filth if she has to without so much as losing a lash. Sis STAYS with the facts and that is why she has and always will remain unbothered.
Ang

So now that I’ve expressed my undying love for her lets get into who Ang is, what she does for the culture, and how you can keep up with her black excellence.

Ang is a political analyst on CNN as well the CEO of Impact strategies which is a company that focuses on delivering political common sense solutions. My favorite place to catch Ang is on the Breakfast Club. She basically breaks down everything that’s going on in the political world and lets us know what we as “the people” should be concerning ourselves with.

arye

Here’s a couple of links of her interviews on the Breakfast Club.

A Rye Breakfast Club Interview

Angela Rye

She also has a podcast called “On 1 with A Rye” which will help you get your WHOLE life. I know sometimes politics can be a bit dry and tense so on this platform she just brings in other people that push different aspects of the culture. If you’re not a politics fan then you’ll probably enjoy this one. You can check this one out on soundcloud or on the regular podcast app.

on1

You can also check out her website A Rye which has A M A Z I N G merchandise and more background on who Ang is. I feel that with a world full of problems, I always welcome people who are about solutions. With everything that people before us were able to accomplish there’s NO excuse for mediocrity given all the resources we have at our fingertips. In my opinion, Ang puts herself out there to not only represent us and make sure our voices are heard but to do so in a way that makes people see black women in a different light. How can you not root for somebody like that?

So that’s my black excellence highlight for this week. Please check out the links I provided to see more about what Ang is about and maybe even see if there’s a way you can make a difference as well. Thanks for reading!

XO,

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January Check-in.

Heyyy guys! As January is coming to a close, I want to check in with everybody and see how your year is starting off. Did you take a step towards the goals you have set for this year? Are you seeing results from any fitness goals you set yet?

Usually I make 2 goals a month and I plan something fun to break up the monotony of adulting. One goal is personal and the other is professional to make sure I’m pushing myself from all aspects. Here’s my progress so far.

Professional

Overall goal: Complete 7 classes, Take ACT, Apply to Howard University, plus some other secret squirrel stuff that I can’t wait to share with you guys once things get more solidified.

These things may seem personal but they’re going to push my career to where I would like it to go.

January Goal: I am currently taking a math class online…obviously 1 of 7. This may seem minor but I real life suck at math and this is a class that I’ve failed before. Anyway, things are going well so far and midterms are this week so wish me luck.

fingers crossed

Personal

Overall goal: Finally buy a car I want, buy my first house, start my vlog, and above all else continue to look like a snack.

January Goal: So remember the whole car thing? Wellllll…say hello to my baby Onyx. She enjoys long drives to the car wash and looking bougie in the back of parking lots because she’s too good to park up close next to the commoners….as you can see, the looking like a snack part is in effect.

 

Alright so that’s my progress check. Let me know how things are going for you. If you’re having a rough start, take a second to regroup and focus. Every day is a new beginning! I believe in you! Thanks for reading!

XO,

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Single life.

Hey guys! Today I just want to talk about the single life. Some people dread it, some people embrace it, but at some point being single is inevitable so let’s talk about it.

For me personally, I didn’t even have my first real boyfriend/gilfriend dynamic until my senior year of high school. Prior to that I was “the homie”. You could say I was friend zoned but my pride won’t let me remember it that way.

friendzoned

Anyway, so when I finally found somebody that thought I was more than “cool” you couldn’t tell me anything, it was all bae EVERYTHING! Look what bae sent me. Look at how bae breathes. you know..the usual. lol. I could finally participate in PDA and wear his hoodies. Bae was life.

Obviously after senior year comes college or whatever path you choose to take and mine just so happened to be the military, which ended up relocating me to Germany. Bae was no longer life.

baeless

Somehow I landed myself in a relationship that took up the latter part of my teens as well as most of my early twenties. There were some ups and an excessive amount of downs but by the time I looked up and found myself single again, I was 23. It was then that I realized I’d always had SOMEBODY. somebody to consider. somebody to support my food habit. somebody to put my cold feet on and now I had NOBODY.

I had to do some real soul searching to find my identity again and some things I threw into the mix along the way but ultimately, I have fallen head over heels for myself and I actually prefer to be by myself now. Here are some things to appreciate in your singleness.

Sleeping Alone

sleep alone

The only thing better than sleeping with your boo..is NOT sleeping with anybody at all. Sure, cuddling and morning sex is great but not dealing with morning breath and not fighting over the covers is even better.

Not sharing food

sharing food

If I had to make a list of things I hate, sharing my food would be up there next to people that sneeze while in close proximity and don’t cover their mouth. Even my son gets the stare of death when he asks for my food. GET YOUR OWN!

 

 

Leaving messages on read

read receipts

Leaving somebody on read is the ultimate idgaf. It’s disrespectful, heartbreaking, and it gets the job done. I personally don’t do the read receipt bit because my heart isn’t made of ice but I’ve been left on read more times than enough and I had to go stand in the mirror to reevaluate life. However, in your singleness you don’t have to be bothered if you don’t feel like it. Try leaving your bf/gf on read in a relationship and let me know how that goes for you.

Here are some things that I began to appreciate about myself in my singleness.

I’m hilarious

laughYa’ll, I’m real deal hilarious. The things I laugh about to myself make me wonder why I don’t pursue stand up comedy or some type of improv situation. I’ve gotten my jokes up significantly and now all I do is laugh. There’s no way you can sit around me for any significant amount of time and not laugh.

I exude good vibes

khartKnowing dope people is the next best thing to being a dope person and that’s what I aim to be. I want people to enjoy being around me and be happy to say they know me. A person with good vibes is next to godliness and makes the most mundane things in life exciting.

 

 

 

 

I’m self sufficient and fearless

fearless

The thing about being alone is that you get to see what you’re truly made of in every aspect. I’ve found myself on many solo adventures or some days I wake up and decide I want to do something out of the norm. It’s a good feeling to be able to decide on something and not need anybody’s help or input.

So those are my awesome single life discoveries and favorites. What are some things you guys have learned to love in your singleness? Thanks for reading!

 

XO,

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Benefits of the Late Bloomer.

I think everybody goes through a phase where at some point you’re surpassing or being surpassed. It’s then that you realize everybody moves in their own time and your path is just that..YOURS. I have found in most cases that I’m a late bloomer. This used to frustrate me because people would just blow by me and no matter how hard I would try to get on the fast track it never worked out.

tantrum

When I started to see this pattern with myself, it became easier to accept the journey for what it was. There were even a few times where I was able to get a glimpse of the fast life but quickly learned I wasn’t happy there or I just wasn’t able to maintain at that speed. While it can feel like you’re being left behind there ARE some benefits to being a late bloomer.

Free Game

This is what I consider learning lessons without having to pay the price. Whether its a business or a certain lifestyle, you can always stand to listen to the words of wisdom from those that came before you. I promise it will save you time, money, and plenty of disappointment/failure.

 Not immediately, but indefinitely

There’s something about taking your time to come up that makes the quality of your glow blinding. Sometimes life is happening so fast for people that there’s a lot of trial and error going on. This isn’t to say that living and learning is a bad thing but if you get the chance to take your time in evolving, do that and make it count. A million people can be before you but if you take note of things that don’t work, it can solidify your moves even more.

 Fine like wine

We all know that person that got all the attention in high school or college but now they can’t survive on their good looks and charm. Taking a little more time to catch your flow can be a great thing. While some people have burned out, you’re just getting started and looking good while doing it. It can take the better part of your 20s to even realize why you’re on this planet so don’t sweat it if you find people moving a little faster than you. Once you catch that glow up, it’s over for any type of doubts or insecurities you may have had.

 Glow up in Bloom

glow up

If you don’t know what a glow up is by now, we have bigger problems. Anyway, when your glow up is finally in bloom, you will have a greater appreciation for your delay. All the things that seemed to OVERLOOK you will come looking FOR you. Hopefully you will be ready for all the opportunities presented and life will become a thing of consecutive wins. That doesn’t mean you might not experiences any losses but they won’t be anything compared to your successes!

Look at me now

This isn’t a benefit but the petty in me wouldn’t let me post this without this last little bit. The BEST part of the glow up when you’ve been a late bloomer is shining on ALL the people that passed up on you, treated you like you were insignificant, and especially those who SPOKE negatively about you. It just really warms my soul because even if they WANT to be a hater, they can’t..there’s nothing bad to say so guess what..

khaled

 

So these are benefits that I’ve found in my late bloom. It has been a struggle but ultimately it’s beautiful. What is a benefit you’ve experienced in blooming at your own pace? Let me know in the comments! Thanks for reading!

XO,

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I’ve been nominated!

 

“What is the “Mystery Blogger Award”?

It’s an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.

Rules

• Put the award logo/image on your blog.
• List the rules.
• Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
• Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
• Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
• You have to nominate 10 – 20 people.
• Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
• Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify).
• Share a link to your best post(s).

I would like to give a very special shoutout to ShutupSmileyy for nominating me. HEY GIRRRL! She’s the first blogger to really interact with me and show love so one time for her and go check her out ShutupSmileyy

It appears to have been started by Okoto Enigma. At least this is the information I am copying

3 things about me

  1. I am currently in the Air Force and in Africa. I’ve been in for 6 years and it pays the bills but recently I started looking for my passion which led to me trying my hand at blogging. I started back in October and so far so good!

2. I love all things spontaneous. Even though I have a son (the best child you could ever come across) and everything I do requires a little planning, I’m always doing some traveling or exploring every chance I get. Show my little man some love! His name is Cam! IMG_1867

3. I am very passionate about Chic-fil-a.

Ok so here are the questions that were asked of me.

1. If you were on an island and could only have 5 things with you, what would it be?

I’m assuming this one of those remote islands where wifi doesn’t exist.

  • lifetime supply of books. fiction only…ok erotic fiction. don’t judge me.
  • Jergens lotion/Coconut Oil
  • EOS chapstick
  • A journal and a ridiculous amount of pens because I always lose them
  • A way to look at all of my memories

2. What is your ultimate favorite book, tv show, and movie that you would recommend to me?

Favorite book- Genevieve by Eric Jerome Dickey

Tv Show: its a tie between Insecure, Power, and Blackish

Movie: Bridesmaidsssss

3. If you could spend a day with a famous person who would it be and why?

Definitely Issa Rae because she’s got jokes for days and she’s not gonna judge me. I just know it.

issaaa
4. If you could act in a movie what movie would it be?

I would definitely love to channel my inner Zoe Saldana in Colombiana. She is me and I am her. Such a badass role.

zoe

5 What’s your best childhood memory?

My grandma used to wake up at like 2 in the morning and I would follow her into the kitchen. She’d make me white milk with the strawberry syrup and butter toast with a fresh chocolate chip cookie on top.

Does it sound nasty? yes

Was it delicious and kept me up for the rest of the night watching Cosby Show reruns? Also, yes

 

 

Alright you guys! So here are 5 questions of my choice. I hope you find them mentally stimulating and intriguing.

1.If money was no object, what would you pursue in life? What’s stopping you?
2.What is something you have now, that you could only dream of having before?
3.What are you doing to bring your goals and dreams to life?
4.What is a guilty pleasure that you spend an unhealthy amount of money/time on?
5.What is a risk you’ve taken that turned out to be worth it?

Here is a link to my most popular post to date. Not necessarily the best but it is pretty informative LoKey Cape Town, South Africa blog

I really don’t know anybody on here to even nominate them so I hope this doesn’t disqualify me but if it does, then this was fun anyway! Thanks for reading!

XO,

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New Money

 

Hey you guys! I was going to hold off on all things parenting because I wanted to do a whole segment like #thelodown and #ayolo but I figured now would be as good a time as any to talk about it so lets get it.

This post is specific to setting your kids up for success and providing the proper knowledge that honestly, most schools don’t.

I remember the first time I really learned about investing was my sophomore year in high school from my social studies teacher. This was the first time it was explained to me in a way that wasn’t so intimidating and I think that’s a main reason that most people don’t like to get involved.

While investing is a GREAT way to set your kids up for success, I want to explore other ways that may not be so complicated. Even if you’re not dealing specifically with trust funds, bonds, CDs, MMAs, mutual funds,etc you’re still investing by doing something that is going to provide you or your loved ones with future rewards so let’s get right to it.

*Disclaimer: this is not for the people who open up credit in their child’s name because yours isn’t up to par then end up ruining your child’s credit before they can even enter the real world*

shade

Make your child/children an authorized user on your credit card.

So this is only assuming that you have great credit and you’re not in debt. Most recently I added my son who is 2 to my credit card as an authorized user. I keep a $0 balance on this card for the most part unless I get gas but I pay it off within the month.

The point of this is to help them establish credit. We all know there’s different components that make up a credit score and I feel the one that has always hindered my score is Age of Credit History. I got my first credit card when I was 17 so even though I have next to 0% utilization, 100% payment history, 0 hard inquiries or derogatory marks my score has never been as perfect as I want it to be.

If you’ve been through the struggle of trying to buy a car with no credit then I really don’t even have to go into detail on the importance of credit. I feel like as long as you’re 750 and up, you’re good to go.

 Buy property, pay it off, put it your child’s name

This is something I’ve been plotting on since my son was born and now i’m finally in the position to act on it. This year I will be buying my first home and it will be dedicated to my son. The goal is have it paid off by the time he’s 18 but I probably won’t give it to him until his early 20s. There’s a few reasons behind this decision:

I want my son to have options in this world. I had to start from scratch with everything i’ve acquired up until this point so if I can give him a proper foundation to continue raising the bar for generations to come, then I’m gonna do that.

I realize there’s more than one way to be successful. Yes, education is important but there’s also a variety of ways to be educated. If my son felt like he didn’t want to go to college immediately because he wanted to explore the world or just chose any non-traditional path, i want the world to be his oyster.

If he did decide to go to college, he already has a residence in state just in case he wanted to attend a university in our current state so we wouldn’t be looking at out of state prices. Even if he wanted to attend an out of state school, he could rent out his home, and use that money to pay for his own apartment and have residual income because..room and board?

nobody got time

The biggest benefit is if your child has an entrepreneurial spirit and wants to start their own business. We all know it takes money to make money so even if he sold the house for $250k, that’s still a good foundation to start with.

mt

I know people think offering your child the world on a platter will spoil them but I believe if you give them the knowledge behind it all, that’s the biggest gift you can give. Even if they lost it, they could make it right back because they understand the process behind it all. It’s all about opportunity people. You think these billionaire families made each generation start from scratch? No! So prepare your kids for this world so we can build for the future.

I hope I was able to shed some light on ways to set your children up for success. What are some ways that you guys are preparing for the future? Let me know in the comments below. Thank you for reading!

XO,

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Glow On

I’m sure by now everybody has heard about Camron and JuJu’s breakup but if you haven’t, just click these links to see for yourself and form your own opinion because I’m about to be HELLA biased.

Cam’ron Interview

JuJu’s interview

So we’ve seen this dynamic 1000 times over! right?

boy meets girl
girl supports boy *in the shadows*
girl starts to get shine and step her game up
boy feels a way
*the glow up continues*
boy feels jealous, intimated, and unimportant ultimately ruining the relationship due to ego and insecurity

tammy

Of course none of us are actually Cam’Ron and JuJu so there’s no way to know the entire story but that’s why i’m speaking on this DYNAMIC between men and women instead of their story specifically.

As I continue to go through life, I’ve seen a lot of women have to trade love for success. It is really unfortunate but when you can clearly see there’s more for your life and there’s somebody sitting at your table that is not only NOT happy for you but holding you back, you gotta make the tough decisions to let them go. While this is a hard decision, usually your life begins to pick up right afterward so the pain is definitely worth it.

cardi

Now i’m not talking about being patient with a person while they try to find their legs in life and leaving them in the dust when they aren’t moving at your pace. THAT is whack because people come into their own in their own time and when the glow up DOES happen for them you gonna be REAL salty standing on the outside looking in.

belly

However, I’ve seen on the flip side where men are able to get their ego to take a backseat and support their women but the women have to make a conscious effort to still make their man feel important and in a sense tend to their ego.

My personal belief is that there is enough room for BOTH people to shine and since you’re working for the same team, all you’re really doing is bossing up your own kingdom. Where’s the crime in that??

Some people are so comfortable in one dynamic though whether it be them being the primary provider or them being the one in control that if that dynamic changes, they don’t know how to function in a different light. That’s a real problem! Partnership is about growth and change so you’d be crazy to enter a relationship thinking that the person you’re with isn’t going to change with time. You should both be pushing each other to evolve and encouraging each other to be their best self.will and jada

The main thing that let me know Cam’ron was feeling a way was his whole “It just wasn’t fun anymore” statement. Everybody knows that relationships are full of ups and downs and sometimes you DO lose the spark but you’d be insane to end things instead of coming up with new ways to spark the flame.

I think the biggest thing about growing with a person is being able to check yourself and be honest enough to say, you’re feeling a way and explore why that is. If you don’t, you’ll let small things turn into big things just because you don’t have your mind right and that will start to develop negative characteristics inside you.

lurk

There’s no reason trivial things like social media should have a significant impact on a relationship that has stood the test of time. If it does, you’re dealing with a different issue like maybe:

one person isn’t getting as much attention as they would like so they start looking for it from people on social media or you start to feel insignificant so you do publicity stunts to make you feel less inferior but that’s why it’s so important to check in with your partner.

I honestly believe that sometimes it IS ok for the man to sit in the passenger seat. Now let me be clear. I’m not saying it’s cool for him to not have a job and not contribute anything to the house. I’m saying maybe he’s making less money than you for a period of time and you have to be able to take the financial reigns in the relationship. That’s fine! You should WANT a partner who is able to do that. That’s why Cam’ron’s attitude of “this isn’t fun anymore” baffles me because all she was trying to do was make sure they would be FOREVER straight.

If I had to give any advice from this situation for ladies, it would be to always do you FOR you. People love to talk about the “I’m an independent women and I don’t need no man” spiel but that’s because those type of woman don’t HAVE to stick around the for bs. If you’re not being treated right, you have all the resources you need to leave.

The other piece that goes with that is being your own person. That’s why I say do you FOR you. If JuJu had been so stuck on having her ducks in a row for Cam’Ron, she would’ve been mentally imprisoned in the situation EVEN THOUGH she has the resources to leave. This would’ve led to all types of disrespect levels which we can already see was starting to happen in the very end according to JuJu’s interview.

If a man is feeling some type of way about your success, those are HIS issues to work out within himself and NOTHING you do is going to assist in that process. It’s truly something that you have to detach yourself from in order to continue growing. Dead the situation and let the people who wanna see you win enter your life.

So that’s all I have for you guys! What are your thoughts on situations like this? Thanks for reading!

XO,

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Reflections and Projections

Alright so y’all already know what time it is. We’re in the final days of 2017 so it’s time to reflect and project.

nola

Let’s talk about what went well and what we could stand to make some changes on. I’ll do 4 reflections and 4 projections…ya know…because 2018. Here’s a couple of questions to ask yourself and I’ll do my own responses so we can be in this thang together.

What was your biggest accomplishment of 2017?

My biggest accomplishment was a different state of mind in just about every aspect of my life. I was able to develop a very action driven/no bs thought process and I found it to benefit me. Exhibit A being this blog. I thought about it, did some research, and voila! Here we are.

 What was your most valuable lesson learned?

I’d have to say watering my own grass and to love yours. It’s so easy to see somebody else popping and wish that was you. Here’s the thing, you never know what a person had to go through to get where they are or if they’re even happy where they are. When you start minding your own, the fruits of your labor will be just as lit.

amen

3. What is something/someone that significantly impacted the course of your year?

My deployment really shifted things for me. While I was isolated and away from my family/friends, it gave me SO much time with myself. I was able to ask myself a lot of questions, do a lot of self reflection but I also made a lot of self progression. I stepped out of my comfort zone in many ways and revealed new layers of me to myself.

bmj

4.What was the toughest obstacle of your year?

Honestly, I only had one obstacle but it blew me away so hard that it might as well have been catastrophic. So you know how even though you’re not entertaining somebody, you KNOW that if you absolutely needed them, they’d come? Or even if you wanted to pursue something more, they’d be down? yea so I had a situation like that and it fell through, HARD! Blessing in disguise but I still felt a way.

It made me look at myself and question a lot of things and I spent quite a while being pretty isolated. All of my other little joints fell off because you know they all gotta act up at the same time. It was a pretty lonely bit BUT in the time I spent alone, I was able to face myself and deal with the characteristics that made me the way I was and now I’m poppin all over again.

wipemedown

Ok let’s switch gears and start looking forward. Whatever didn’t happen for you this year, we got the power to bring it to life next year. So let’s get into some things that you wish to see for yourself in 2018.

prince

What is a lifestyle change that you wish to see or at least get started on in 2018?

Ok so boom, I have a couple. One thing is my health. I know, typical. One thing I’ve been considering is transitioning to a pescatarian lifestyle. This is gonna sound real shallow but if I ever allowed myself to become obese, I would just die. I pride myself on my image so I’m down for whatever to keep myself looking like a snack in these streets.

The second thing I’m working on is finally moving past a LOT of internal grief and cleaning up my mental space/energy . With this, I know I’ll have to relive a lot of painful memories and face a lot of buried emotions which is something i’m not a fan of but I really want to be the best version of myself by any means necessary.growth

2. What are some good habits you want to put in the mix?

I want to start being more protective of my time and effort. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time on pointless and meaningless things but I suppose that’s because I really didn’t have too much of my own stuff going on. Now that I have a direction for literally every aspect of my life, it makes it a little harder to spend time doing things or entertaining people that don’t have my best interest at heart.

byeee

 

3. What is a project, business, idea, etc that you can put into the world?

Obviously I have this blog but I don’t want it to stay at its current level. I have a huge vision for my blog and other projects. I try not to overextend myself and focus on one thing at a time so I can present quality and not quantity. Honestly, pacing yourself is key to anything you’re putting your name behind because as many times as you deliver successes, all you need is the wrong failure to completely flop your brand.

4. What is something you can do that you’ll appreciate in the years to come?

I’m not gonna lie. I have the next 4 years of my life planned out. I have backup plans for my backup plans so failure is not even an option to me. The only downside to this is that it makes your present seem kind of blah because you already know what you’re working towards and you’re ready to just be there. I’m making the most of my days though. I have my plan broken down step by step and I’m just scratching it off as I accomplish my goals.

Ok you guys so that’s all I have. I hope you were able to reflect with me and get your minds right for this awesome New Year. Sending you all of the good vibes and love your way. See you next year!

bey

XO,

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Cheating, let’s talk about it

 

I’ve heard so many different questions and viewpoints on it.

1. Is it emotional cheating or physical cheating?
2. Does this need to be the end of the relationship?
3. Should the couple make their relationship polyamorous?

The list goes on.

So I’m gonna come out the gate and say that cheating is a hell nah! not open relationships..CHEATING! Let me tell y’all what I consider cheating since y’all know people like to get REAL technical when they’re caught up.

/Cheating/ Anything you have to hide from your partner because making them aware would severely change the dynamic of your relationship for the worst.

Here’s what I feel like people are missing when they try to make cheating mainstream and develop all of these automated responses like:

“Men are naturally animalistic in nature”
“Men cheat mindlessly, women don’t”

These are all trash excuses for serious character flaws and a lack of communication. Stop trying to make cheating accepted! It’s not going to be accepted!

I mention character flaws for a reason and that’s because those flaws will be visible in other aspects of your relationship. I know none of us are perfect but there are some things that can just really be a deal breaker. If you cheated on me, I find out, I confront you about it, and you act like you don’t know what I’m talking about or you tell me I’m tripping…off rip you’re a liar and you’re manipulative. You know good and full well what you did but you would rather play dumb to see HOW MUCH the other person knows and that’s a characteristic that could become REAL toxic as ya’ll move forward.

When you cheat on somebody, they still love you. With all the damage you just caused, THEY STILL LOVE YOU. They’re devastated and disappointed of course but it’s how you act afterwards that completely destroys everything and turns disappointment to anger. People become really small in my eyes when they get backed into a corner and don’t stand up tall behind their behavior.

 

Here’s where the problem comes in though. The normalcy of cheating is only supposed to be accepted when a man cheats on a woman.This is because a man doesn’t want to deal with all of the emotions you have to endure, all the questions you have to ask yourself, and most importantly the internal battle you have to fight to be able to forgive that person if you want to reconcile.

Let’s talk about reconciliation though because that’s what people are really asking for. They want to be able to step out on their commitment, ask for forgiveness, and move on with life no matter how much internal damage that does to their partner. So the character flaw here is greed and selfishness.

When cheating is in question it’s always assumed that it’s physical but let’s talk about emotional cheating. I want to be as unbiased as possible. So let’s say a woman is confiding in another man about issues in their relationship.This other man knows all types of info about your personal life whether it be finances, intimacy, or even deeply rooted issues that it took you a while to get over. So how are you gonna feel when that man feels comfortable enough to step to you and lay all your sh*t bare?

devastated

Exactly. More importantly what is that going to do to your trust with your woman, knowing she gave him the power to do that? It defeats the purpose of the partnership, correct? Hell, even a good FRIEND wouldn’t have you out here like that. The character flaw here is that you’re untrustworthy which is major because I can’t do NOTHIN with you if I can’t trust you.

With physical cheating, it’s the same concept. How is your woman supposed to feel when another woman not only knows what your man is working with but feels comfortable enough to step to you and speak on what you thought was a solid relationship? It’s humiliating and disrespectful but you want us to look past everything you just broke in the relationship because “you’re sorry?’

hell nah

Let’s take it a step further. Let’s say you do reconcile. All is forgiven, you talk about whatever led your relationship to that point, and everything is back on track. Although on the home front, this may seem apologetic and forgiving, it sends a message that this person has room for error when it comes to the boundaries in your relationship. The worst thing a person can do is tell you that “You’re the one that decided to stay” knowing all that it took for you to forgive them. Knowing good and well they weren’t talking that big boy talk when they were in the hot seat. It’s a slap in the face leading me to believe that my forgiveness is pointless.

So my bottom line advice consists of 3 options after finding out about your partner’s infidelity:

1. Decide what YOU want to do. Don’t consider their reactions or feelings because they didn’t consider yours.
If you decide you want to be single and not go through the journey that it’s going to take for you guys to restore your relationship then leave. You’re not obligated to anything here anymore. Move forward, be happy, and let that be that. ( highly recommended)

2. If you feel that this person is really worth the struggle for whatever reason then take some time to yourself to deal with whatever emotions you have. Once you say, ok we’re going to move on, you can no longer throw it in their face and if they just so happen to fail you again, you’re gonna have to deal with yourself because you were already aware of what they’re capable of.

3. This one isn’t the most popular option but if you still love this person yet you feel that you guys honestly just cannot be in a monogamous relationship then I suggest the option of a polyamorous relationship. This means that you guys both explore other people but you two are top priority to each other and all parties are made aware of the arrangement. I’m personally not going for this but I do realize that there are many different set ups for relationships these days so if you gotta absolutely have that person in your life then maybe this would work for you.

Every relationship is different so I could type until I’m blue in the face and there will always be another aspect to consider but this is just something I had to weigh in on. Let me know your thoughts on cheating and how you think it should be handled. Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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Merry Christmas

How I feel coming up in here after I promised 12 Days of Blogmas but only did 3 days.

ant

So basically I dropped the WHOLE ball on Blogmas. However, I tried to make it up by doing my Cape Town blog but if you weren’t feeling that, I have this Christmas Dinner catch all of host tips, games, recipes, and themes to make it up so let’s jump right into it.

Alright you guys so it’s Christmas Eve! YAAAAAYYY! Hopefully your night is filled with opening one gift to pre-game and just enjoying the ones you love. If you plan on hosting Christmas dinner at your humble abode I’m going to bring you a couple of game ideas and host gestures among other things that’s gonna turn things up a bit.

First things first, it’s all about the setup and the vibes so off rip I’m gonna put a playlist in your life that’s gonna have everybody feeling jolly asfff as soon as they step foot in your home. Turn your speaker/soundbar all the way up for this one. Cousin Mitri Christmas playlist . Honestly, if you’re not on cousin Mitri by now, you’re wrong and missing out.

If this isn’t your flow, you can always opt for a Kenny G Jazz, Otis Redding, or even a Frank Sinatra Christmas playlist.

So now that we got the vibes going there’s a couple more senses we need to appeal to upon your guests arrival. That’s the setup and the aroma of some bomb food or just some really nice candles hitting their nose.

If you made your dinner a themed situation i.e (ugly Christmas sweater, onesie, or whatever you decided on) you should greet your guests with that theme. Whether its something you’re wearing or if you have a designated background for photos, you want your guests to instantly get in the spirit.

Remember when I was all like “centerpieces are life” in my DIY blog? Well here is where it counts the most. I’m going to take a leap of faith and say that you wouldn’t have stepped up to the plate to host if you didn’t have a proper dining room table. Dining Room decor is of the utmost importance so here’s a couple ideas to help you put your best foot forward.

 

Moving along to the smell. If I walk in your house for Christmas dinner and no type of food scents hit my nose, I’m gonna ask you if you need me to come back later. This is not Thanksgiving. The most people should be waiting for food is 30 mins after arrival. If you do need a few more mins on the food, here are some good appetizers and drinks that you can have prepared to hold your guests over.

Your day should have a flow that allows people to mingle and really enjoy themselves so it’s up to you whether you want a showtime that allows the games before the food is ready or not. If you have a dish that’s running behind on time, here are a couple of games that will occupy your guests while you finish up in the kitchen. I’m all about a minute to win it situation. It easy, straight to the point, and it gets people involved. If you’re not here for it, you can always do a taboo or cards against humanity bit. I even found a couple way more poppin card games with the same concept. Here’s a link to 25 Christmas party game ideas Christmas Games as well as the website to purchase the card games For the Culture

To be honest, that’s all you really need to make your dinner a success, assuming you invited the right crowd. Always make sure the wine and alcohol is plentiful and have enough space to offer their heads to lay because…ya know..safety first and what not. I hope I was able to help out a little bit, i’ll definitely be going IN next year so stay tuned. Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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