SMILE! You’re depressed.

 

Ok guys! So I want to get serious with you all for this one.

How many times has something completely ruined your soul but you just keep on moving because…well..what else are you going to do?

*raises hand*

How many times have you tried to convince yourself that depression is just a state of mind and that if you just so happened to be depressed, that meant you were mentally weak?

*raises hand*

Hopefully i’m not alone in this. Sometimes life can get the best of you and just absolutely knock the wind out of you. Theoretically you just want to give up and quit life but realistically you have to keep on going because there’s just GOT to be more to life than your current emotional state…right?

So you smile and you speak to people, you put your body and mind on autopilot to get through the days but when you’re alone, everything hits you. It’s like a numbing feeling. You don’t want to talk to anybody. You don’t want to do anything. You have no energy to even conjure up the energy (yes you need energy to have the energy) to go out and do things to get your mind off of whatever it is that has you so down.

You sleep, eat, and maybe stare at the tv. Your mind is either cruelly replaying whatever you’re trying to get past or its just checked out and time just passes by. Hour by hour..day by day…until now it’s been a couple of weeks that you’ve been in this slump.

Nobody has asked if you’re okay because you put on a facade when you have to go out into the world. This particular post is for the person who is having internal battles with depression but doesn’t feel like you have the time to decipher and sift through what really has you so down. This is for the person that feels like they have nobody to talk to that will help get them past this point.

Here are a couple of things that I do when I feel myself losing a grip on life:

1. ALLOW MYSELF TO EXIST

Sometimes the best thing to do IS to go through the motions for a few days. I consider this the phase where I’m just coasting and storing up all the energy i’m going to need to face whatever it is I need to face.

2. CRY

Honestly, this is just my way of attempting to release whatever pain, anger, hurt, or any other feelings that I may experiencing. I submerge myself in a pity party for at least a day so when it’s time for me to be rational I won’t have any extra emotions lingering around.

3. GET TO WORK

This is when you have to adopt the fighter mindset. You have to realize that how you’re feeling isn’t who you are nor is it how you want to feel. Spend some time with yourself and think specifically about what it is you don’t want to think about. Break it into a list of things you can control and things you cannot. For the things you CAN control, start creating solutions. Whether it’s financial, emotional, physical, or spiritual..start thinking of ways you can better the situation. Start small since you’re basically running on E and gain acceleration once you’ve gotten the proper momentum. For the things you CANNOT control, you need to make peace with them. Whether it’s a death, a broken heart, or major set back in your life…realize that you cannot change those things. That person is gone. That person shattered your heart. You’re already back wherever unfortunate circumstances have placed you. What you’ll find though, is even with the things you cannot control, you can still control yourself in the situation and make your best effort to get through it.

4. MAKE A DECISION

This is the part where you need to be intentional about wanting to move forward. If you need to seek therapy..do that. If you need a gym membership to help you grind out the initial stages..do that. In everything you do make sure you are making a conscience effort to be positive.

The mind is a very powerful force and we are all capable of doing what me may not believe we can. This post is not to be confused with people who have a chemical imbalance that is triggering some sort of depression. Please seek the professionals for that but do not rely on that medicine to bring you happiness.

Exercise your mind, be patient,and be confident that you have what it takes to bounce back. Bad times don’t last. You may be going through all of these stages alone but that should only make you proud of the fact that if you had nobody else, you have yourself. Recognize the fact that you may be depressed and fight the good fight to get yourself back on solid ground!

Please remember that everybody is different and what may be minor to you could be major to them. If somebody does come to confide in you, don’t make their problems seem small.

I hope I was able to help somebody with this post. I know all of these things are easier said than done but I promise if you put in the work and stay consistent, you WILL experience positive outcomes.

Let me know how you combat depression. Thank for reading!

XO,

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A1 Since Day 1: Which One Are You?

 

Let’s talk about friends. I’m not talking about friends that only hit you up on your birthday because Facebook reminded them that you exist. I’m talking about REAL down for the cause, aint nobody bout to talk bad about you while I’m around, I’m here for you with no judgment, walk in your house and go straight in your fridge friends.

Now you’ve probably narrowed this description down to a few people which is the way it should be because honestly, less is more.

I’ve always been told you could only have one best friend but they actually lied to you because I have multiple. These are the people that you consult about serious decisions, that you let see your vulnerable side, and that you confide in when you start getting some new new on the low. These are the people that when you hit them up and say

inhale bitch

you don’t even have to say anything else in order for them to prepare themselves for the tea. THESE friends are essential to your sanity throughout life because I guarantee you can think of a time right now where your friends carried you through and you honestly don’t know how you would’ve gotten to the other side without them. There’s more than one type of day 1 though so lets talk about the ones that are absolutely necessary.

The War Ready Day 1:

This friend is key to keeping you in check and making sure you aren’t letting anybody treat you any kind of way. This friend is always down to pull up and even if YOU’RE not about that life, anybody that knows your friend doesn’t play about you knows better than to try your life without expecting smoke in the city.

tami-roman-bully

 

The Motherly Day 1:

This friend is most likely older than you and has experienced some things in life. She’s happy to pass on life lessons but also quick to make you feel ashamed for continuing to deal with that no good guy or making poor decisions. She sees your worth and just wants the best for you. She’s important because you don’t want to disappoint her so you’re more likely to hold yourself accountable.

motherly friend

Carefree Day 1:

This friend makes you see the beauty in life. Any time you’re feeling trapped by your surroundings you can always count on this friend to lift your spirits and maybe take you to do hoodrat things with your friends. This friend is important because they always have positive energy and is always helping you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

carefree

The Not So Day 1 DAY 1:

This friend is the person you haven’t known for that long but y’all instantly click and all of your other friends are jealous. This person has come along in a different time of your life than any of your other friends and they reflect the growth in you. This friend is important because it gets you out of your normal routine and you can expect to make many new unforgettable memories.

bestie

Last but not least you’ve got the:

TO THE GRAVE DAY 1

This friend holds the secrets to your soul and encompasses all of the previous friends combined in one. They’ve never switched up on you. You don’t leave one detail out when talking to them because you know they need to hear every shameful truth and they won’t even blink twice. This is the friend that’s been there for you through relationships, bad financial decisions, low moments in life, and nothing has ever made them stray from you. IF YOU DON’T HAVE A DAY 1 LIKE THIS, YOU BETTER GET YOU ONE!

molly and is

Which day 1 are you? What are some other day 1’s you think it’s important to have?
Thanks for reading!

XO,

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Open letter to Cam

Where do I start?

From the moment I knew you were coming I was filled with excitement and fear.

Excited to have an extension of me in this world.

Afraid to love you unconditionally.

I’d never had something so permanent present itself in my life. What if you weren’t meant to stay with me? Could I ever be the same after that? Scared to soften up and allow such a pure thing to penetrate my heart.
You have changed me in so many beautiful ways that I don’t know if I could ever show you how you saved my life.
Carrying you was not easy. I had so many negative things going on around me. I didn’t know where I was going to pull the love I needed to give you from. I was very lonely but even from inside of me, you gave me reassuring kicks to let me know you had my back and everything was going to be ok.
I began talking to you every day as I went through my day. Just me and you. I asked you what we were in the mood for eating, how life was going for you in there, and even consulted you about where we should live next. You were already such a huge part of me.
As time got closer for you to make your big debut I would just constantly ask God to help me lead you. I didn’t feel like I deserved you. I felt like I would let you down because I couldn’t give you a solid family out the gate.
When you finally came, nothing else mattered anymore. All my doubts, worries, and fears were lifted. I was barely healed from my c-section and it was so tough for me to do things on my own but you were patient with me. It’s like you knew I was doing my best. The first sign that we were an undeniable duo.
As time went by I fell in love with you. You tore down so many walls that no other human being would’ve been able to. As your personality began to shine through I could tell that this journey would be an amazing one and if I had nobody else, I had you.
I hated to let you see me at those low moments. No child should ever see their mother cry herself to sleep but you stayed right by me. Now I couldn’t even have a bad day if I tried because you come hop right in my lap or on my face and give me all of your sweet kisses. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for Cameron.
I’ve missed a lot of firsts for you but I promise as we continue on this journey, I will never put anything before you. I will make sure you know you always have me. I will prepare you to be the most successful and happiest man that you could possibly be. I will always support you when all odds are against you and make sure that you come out on top every time. I could never repay you for giving me the will to live when I was honestly ready to call it quits but I sure am looking forward to shining with you. I love you sweetie and nothing can change that!

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Let me know how your child/ children  changed your life. Thanks for reading!

XO,

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SOS! I’M IN MY 20’S! What I wish I knew then

*cues SZA’s 20 something*

If I could describe my early 20’s it would be a horror film with upbeat music in the background; mainly because through all the crap i’ve been through i’ve managed to ALWAYS stay with a bottle of wine and at least one friend that could get me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There’s so many directions your life can go and your 20’s is the time to take every path unapologetically. There were so many horrible decisions made in my early 20’s that I could just go back and run myself over with a truck (a heavy truck.. an 18 wheeler to be specific) when I reflect on everything but that’s what life is about; trial and error. Everybody’s path is different but these things were a definite “hell no” for me.

NO FLEX ZONE

Hear me! Coming out into this world is NOT the time to be buying the flashiest car, keeping up with all the latest trends, and running up your credit. While my credit has been a #1 priority I always wanted the MK watches, a fresh pair of Uggs for every winter, and any car I bought HAD to have leather seats, sunroof, seat warmers, and the list goes on. Lets just put some price tags together here:
price tag MK Watch- easy $250
price tagUggs-another easy $200

That alone is a smooth $450 that can easily cover

  • A new set of tires + oil change
  • A flight to a place of your choice where you can HAVE an actual life experience instead of wearing it
  • Make a decent dent in any debt you may have incurred
  • or or OR..hear me out…JUST SAVE IT!

There’s just so many things I can think of that would make your money stretch but you live and you learn. NOW when I go to buy something that may be extravagant it’s mostly for a holiday or to reward myself for an accomplishment but i’m also debt free and my money is in check so there’s that.

2. FBF GLOW- LEAVE THAT TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

You should always be looking to achieve the FBF glow but this is ESPECIALLY important in your early 20’s when you’re still trying to shape who you are in this world; Life is hard enough and codependency is NOT cute. This is not to say that you won’t fall for some FBs (they’re so good at what they do) but the key is to get away from them as quick as possible so you can focus on what’s important…YOU! This is the time for exploring what it is you really want to be about in life and I can assure you that a FB will throw you off course as far as you’ll let them so BEWARE! Here’s a couple ways to spot a FB:
-all talk, no action
-netflix and chill but no copper river grill (I was tryna rhyme..rapping isn’t my strong suit tho..in other words..he aint tryna be seen with you sis)
-available when its only convenient for him

 

the list goes on but you get the idea so we just gonna keep it moving

3. TAKE YOUR DAY 1’S WITH YOU

listen. if you have best friends that are supporting you, pushing you to do better, down for road trips, and never tell you that you’ve had too much Chipotle..take em with you through life. You’re going to go through many ups and down but your friends (if they’re any good) will stay down and grow with you. Your day 1’s aren’t necessarily who you’ve known the longest but more so who’s never switched up on you in the time you’ve known them. I have day 1’s that I just met last year.

kanye shrug

4. DROP THE DEAD WEIGHT

So on the other hand, drop anybody that isn’t for you with a quickness! Negativity and mediocrity spreads like wildfire.

  • If you share something you aspire to do but they shoot your idea down instead of coming up with steps to achieve it..DROP EM!
  • If you actually accomplish something and they always have an excuse as to why they can’t celebrate with you..DROP EM! They aint tryna see you win sis
  • If they don’t support your Chic-fil-A habit…

fuck outta here

…I mean my God..do I honestly even have to say it? DROP EMMMM!!!

This applies to friendships, relationships, family, business partners..just ANYBODY!

5. STAY HUMBLE AND FLOURISH RESPONSIBLY

I don’t care if you had to get it out the mud and you’re “self made”, ALWAYS be grateful for where you’re currently at in life, even if its a bad spot because it could always be worse. Even when you get on, there’s no room for treating anybody less than you (UNLESS YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO UNLEASH YOUR PETTY SIDE AND FLEX ON A HATER).200w_dYour humbleness is what’s going to be able to help you continue to grow and never be too full of yourself to accept help from anybody. Now when you get to a place in your life that you’ve aspired to be, FLOURISH RESPONSIBLY!!

  • Still live within your means
  • Still treat people with respect
  • Keep your childish humor
  • Say hello when you see people out and about
  • ALWAYS have an open heart to helping somebody in need

These are things that I’ve found helped me be the person that I am right now at 24. Even though I have a ways to go accepting and living by these 5 things have given me a lot of peace and comfort in who I am.

I hope these keys helped you! Please leave any feedback (good or bad) below. Thanks for reading!!

XO,

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“Goin out for some Self-love really quick, Brb: 4 Ways to love on yoSELF”

“Love yourself” “Know your worth”

I can’t even tell you how many times those words have been said to me. I don’t know if people just think this stuff is sold in stores on the bottom shelf for $0.99 or what but I’m here to tell you, that is NOT the case! Self love/worth is to be ACQUIRED AND PRACTICED.

Loving yourself is definitely something that SHOULD be cultivated during your younger years but let’s be real. It’s much easier to love yourself when all you have to do is make it to third period on time vs counting the days after a missed period when you know good and well you should’ve never even spent the night at ole boy’s house. Now you up in here waiting to see if it’s gonna be one pink line or two, giving yourself the good ole pep talk saying  you’re gonna do better and value yourself from here on out but…. spongebob

Ya’ll already KNOW what time it is when you see those 3 bubbles appear. Moving on!

Everything you do flows from your relationship with yourself which ultimately impacts the way you interact and view the world around you. So let’s jump into 5 things that will help you to love on yourself:

  1. EXPLORE YOURSELF

    Again with the typical cliche phrases but how are you going to love what you don’t know? The quicker you identify and embrace everything that is you, the clearer things become. “Well what does exploring yourself look like Lo?” I’m glad you asked fam! Here are a couple of things that helped me realize I was poppin in these streets.

     

    Get in shape

    – looking good is feeling good so get to a size that YOU are comfortable with and be great. Walk around your house in your birthday suit and just get comfortable with you!

        Get your finances in order.

– There’s nothing worse than having the urge to get up and go… with no money to   go or an emergency rollin up on you..with no emergency money. Check out The Financial Diet on Youtube so they can drop some gems on financial literacy and how to make your money work for you in your life.

          Find your Swag 

Your wardrobe is essential to your swag so build it up! There’s a couple ways to do this. You can try Style Fruit where they let you customize your outfits on the site to see how you can mix and match pieces.

Ball on a budget! Subscribe to your favorite stores e-mail lists so you can be notified when there’s huge sales and just go IN! If you can’t buy in huge amounts, just focus on tops, bottoms, accessories, etc. for each shopping spree.

Detox your life.

Periodically take time to reflect on yourself and assess your life.

  • Are you harboring emotions from a situation you’re not dealing with?
  • Are you less than happy with a relationship in your life?
  • Holding onto bad habits? Get rid of em!
  • Pinterest has a lot of journal prompts that will get your mind going in the right direction and ask the questions that you really need to ask. If you REALLY need a hard reset, consider centering your chakras. Get into it!

BECOME ONE WITH YOUR SEXUALITY.

 Submerge yourself in you!

  • Explore and  experiment with your body. Get that drawer in the nightstand by your bed POPPIN! I KNOW you know somebody that throws Pure Romance parties. If not…Pure Romance….thank me later.
  • Know what turns you on. know your limits.
  • Get up in some lingerie for yourself sometimes. Be so comfortable with yourself that nobody else can make you uncomfortable. It may seem silly but sexual confidence is life and a definite way to have you feelin yourself.

 2. Be unapologetic and intentional

Pay attention to the things that rub your energy the wrong way and don’t brush it off just because “people might think you’re trippin”.  You are not for everybody and everybody is not for you. When you realize that, you’re quicker to say “moving on” vs “was it something that I did? As long as you’re living in your truth the right kind of people for YOU will always gravitate towards you honey! Be confident in that and everything else will start falling into place like so:

Be intentional = Find that guy’s social media that you been choosin on

Be unapologetic= add him and like as many pics as you want sis. what he gonna do?                     Nothing! Get 72 weeks deep on em. I believe in you!

3. Set Goals & Accomplish Them

There’s a certain level of confidence that comes from knowing you set your mind on something and you just went out, worked hard, and snatched it right on up. If you are looking for mini boosts to hold you over until you reach the end goal, set monthly goals first with your long term goal in mind. Like anything else, SOME progress produces MORE progress. Don’t stop there though! If you’ve reached an ultimate point, create a new set of goals and think bigger! You’ll be surprised at how many things will pop out at you simply because you never took the time to think about what more you could POSSIBLY do.

4. PASS THE TESTS

Good news:  You’ve fallen in love with yourself.

Bad news: People are still going to try your life and the love that you proclaim to have for yourself will be put to test OFTEN! Are you going to tolerate disrespect? Negativity? no? WELL THEN..

EVEN BETTER NEWS; Not only can you be out here living your best life but you don’t have to worry about compromising the foundation you’ve set for yourself.

Let’s be clear, as you elevate in life things will come at you even harder and it will probably be disguised as something that could potentially benefit you. This is when you trust yourself and use your discernment and continue to choose yourself.

Thank you for reading! Hopefully some of the links I provided were helpful.

XO,

Lo

 

WELCOME!

HEY GUYS! I’m happy to finally be able to present my blog to you all. I’ll be posting on here at least once a week but this is just a hobby for now so patience please. Hopefully you guys will enjoy following me on my journey through life as I explore my purpose, share my own life lessons/tips, and experiment with different places, lifestyles, and pursuance of my dreams.

If I don’t get a chance to say it later, thank you SO much to everybody who’s pushed me to do this and especially those who are reading and supporting me. Ya’ll are lit! Enjoooooyyy!

 

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